Yes Virginia, There Is An Abortion Clause

I wrote this song at the encouragement of a Facebook friend whom I don't think I've ever met, but just learned today that he saw me at the NARAL Comedy For Choice Benefit in 2009 and I guess I almost killed him with my songs.  I got really angry at what's going on at this moment in Virginia around women's health.  He told me to write a song.  I said, "When I find the comedy, I will."  He said to make it an angry comedy.  Well, okay then.



It’s not like I’ve been waiting in this bleeping waiting room
For 3-plus hours just to see the inside of my womb.
But now you wanna tell me that I’ve gotta spread my legs
again because the state says there’s gold in them there eggs!

Lookin’ in the uterus they want to govern on the screen
Supposed to make me feel somethin’ instead of murderously mean
Maybe I’ll see a finger, a foot, maybe I’ll see a nose
Maybe I’ll see Anne Geddes’ baby nappin’ on the petal of a rose

But ladies, if you want a choice, you have to get an ultrasound
And look not behind the curtain where hypocrisy abounds.
The screams of how our “socialist” government is gettin’ way too large
Yet the state insists that over women’s bodies, it is in charge.

But yes, Virginia, there is an abortion clause
Usually we hate The Science, but here’s an exception because
If it’s not crystal clear comin’ from the homestate with yer name,
Your body and choices and life are just to us a fucking game.

Just lay back and relax and take this “science” up the hole
If I wanna stop some dividin’ cells or I’m a dancer on a pole
See, once you’ve allowed a dick in there, the consent is kinda blanket
Excuse us while we fiddle about then close the door and spank it.

Why’d we even bother with securing voting rights?
When churches think us ladies are deserving of God’s smites?
Our mothers and our grammas bled and sweat to open doors
Yet even in the new millennium, we’re just a buncha whores.

Abortions pre-requited by transvag probe by the state
But if I don’t want it going up my cunt - that’s fucking rape.
Exercising my right to choose and I don’t choose to look,
I guarantee you I am outraged.  I’ma take this shit to facebook!!

But yes, Virginia, there is an abortion clause
Usually we hate The Science, but here’s an exception because
If it’s not crystal clear comin’ from the homestate with yer name,
Your body and choices and life are just to us a fucking game.