An Extensive List Of Things I've Done

Jul 27, 2012

There's A Party In My Head And No One Is Invited


PART FOUR:

But the whole time, and though gradually fading to the backgroun, I had those words streaming through my head.
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And other words too.  There were many words fired in my direction that made me feel incapable, shameful, hopeless.  After a year of my subconscious sponging this up, I really believed a lot of it and sitting at my desk at my day job staring into the computer was as far out into the future I could see.  The thoughts returned.

And this time, I knew how.  I just knew how I would do it.  I won’t tell you because that’s not important.  Me, Courtney McLean, a person I know is seen as funny and happy and friendly (for the most part) from the outside, wanted to end her life because she felt like her life meant nothing.

OKAY, DRAMA.  Man, is it heavy in here, or is that just my diaper?  Sorry y’alls.  I mean, I’m not sorry.  Obvy, if you weren’t into this narcissistic dumping, you wouldn’t have read past Part One.  But let’s just have a break for a second.  Hmmm... Did I tell you my cat bit me and I went to the emergency room?  That’s not a perfect palette cleanser, but the bottom line is, I’m totally fine, so there you go.  


The cutest kitty ever
(What a little shit.)

How about that I am going to get to hang with my friend Emily from Iowa in a little less than an hour and she’s been lending me her sweet ride for a few days?  I’ve been blasting the EP of Fort Wilson Riot (mostly track 2), an awesome local band I saw the other day at my work (Did I mention there’s live music EVERY NIGHT?  I get to hear new local bands all the time.  I already bought 5 CDs in the month and a half I’ve been there, which is monumental for me.  I rarely buy new music these days.  BITCH-FLIP!).  And the performances lately have been curing people of cancer, I swear, we've been getting so many laughs.  

So.

to be continued...

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