Progression

A lot has changed since I last wrote in this blog! As things do, I suppose. The biggest thing is probably that I broke up The Dirty Curls. I did it for several reasons and I don't regret it, but I do wish that I had been more honest with myself and hence with my bandmates about what I want and need in my life and what I wanted out of the project itself. Every musician I talk to is like, "meh, bands break up," and many people are proud of me for taking the step and doing what I think is best for me. I am too. It's a complicated story, however, and I don't really want to get into it now. It's only been two months and my wounds are still fresh and my perspective is limited.

Now, however, I can't help but feel a little lost. I don't know how I want to proceed. I have allowed myself to be social and free with my friends the past couple of months, but I'm feeling the need to clamp down creatively again and I'm not sure how. Like, what are my intentions? Do I want to work towards a craft that will help me extricate myself from my dayjob, which I like in many ways, but is becoming considerably more difficult and moving in a direction that isn't where I want to go. Of course, I suppose I don't really know that.

I have been itching to paint again. Monday is the beginning of NaNoWriMo, in which I have decided I'm going to participate, but there is a looming fear of not being able to follow through with it. I keep reminding myself to go day by day. I am also committing to going to open mics for comedy again. Even though I find, for the most part, the stand-up comedy scene very difficult to love, there is something inside of me that has been drawing me back to it repeatedly over the last 7 or 8 years. 7 or 8 years! Wow, if I had been doing comedy that whole time, I'd probably be on Broadway by now. But, I'm not, and I'm totally okay with that. Something about the experience with the band made me realize that perhaps I don't want to be famous. At least not for fame's sake.

I have been taking banjo lessons and running. I'm running a 5K on Dec. 4, so I'm training for that. And it's getting cold here. My goal was to bike through the winter too. Both running & biking in our climate here in Minnesota is definitely a challenge, but more than just the comfort; the financial aspect. I can probably spend upwards of $600 for all the gear I would need to be safe. Hm. When I actually put the number down, it doesn't seem so bad.

I'm finally sponsoring a Congolese woman too, which is something I've been wanting to do for a while. I have yet to write to her though. It's on my to-do list for the weekend.

It's been bouncing around my head to write a blog again. And I've wanted to just start a new one, but I'll just continue here. Why not? I can't judge myself anymore; I am who I am. I'm a little lazy, a little crazy, a little hilarious, but I have lots of love. I just have to remember it's there.