Mermaid Twang

Minneapolis' First Encyclopedia Show

2012-01-28T08:30:00.000-06:00

This Sunday, my buddies Mike Fotis & Allison Broeren are hosting the first Encyclopedia Show in this part of the country. They have asked me to play "The Gummi Bears" theme song... you know the one:

I also wrote a song about Bears. As in... Gay Bears:

I Think I’m In Love With A Bear
lyrics & music © Courtney McLean 2012

V1
When I was 17, I had this fantasy
Someday I’d lay a man much heftier than me
Then you came along, you came along

I dreamt ‘bout this big stud ‘n’ me
1 part Hell’s Angel, 2 parts Cuddly
But you said, “Girl, You got me all wrong.”

BRIDGE
“Girl, I know what’s on your horny mind.
And I’m flattered - no really, you are too kind.
But this face ain’t got no room
For a beard like you”

CHORUS
Oh then, I’m going home, I’m gettin’ surly
Cuz now it’s clear he’s way too girly
He’s hairy, big, and burly,
I’d’ve never guessed his name was Curly

Where was my gadar before I overshared?
I think I’m in love with a bear.

Flashback Post: Young Adult

2011-12-20T12:00:00.002-06:00

Originally from October 20, 2011, but I never finished writing it. So here you go:

The latest chapter in my life as an acquaintance of Diablo Cody's was closed last night as practically the whole Lounge Lizards crew and I were ON THE LIST to go see a very secret screening of Cody & Jason Reitman's "Young Adult," starring Charlize Theron & Patton Oswalt.

I wasn't on the original email list from Diablo herself to the Minnesota crew. The email was forwarded to me by our main Diabs liaison: "FREE MOVIE" the subject line read. Then followed a note from D--Brook. Brook is what I call her now. I feel like it's more appropriate with her motherhood thing and being less in the public eye, now she's not so much a celebrity as a just person that writes and gets paid for it. Very handsomely, I imagine. But I digress. Brook offered us all a place on the list for VIP reserved seating in the theater. I emailed with an RSVP yes to the liaison before tracking Brook's email down to tell her myself I would be there. I wasn't expecting a response, but I got one:

"Courtney, I'm so glad you're coming! It should be a nice night.

I hope all is well with you too-- I've been following your career all this time, it looks like you're having a blast and kicking ass. Hope to talk more soon when I have a nice Polish cocktail in front of me.

See you very soon! xoxo"

Wha wha wha WHAAAAA??? She's "been following" my career "all this time?" That seriously made my day, be it lip service or not.

Fast forward to last night. My girls and I arrived 15 minutes prior to showtime at the theater where a line wrapped around the side of the building. Urgent texts from another friend made us believe we may have missed our chance to get inside, that we would have to wait in the line. We walked past a woman who harshly announced, "It's sold out." We said, "We're on the list." A moment of hesitation and the woman retorted, "So was I!" Uh oh. But remember when we went to the preview of "Juno?" We had reserved seats! My girls are bold. One of us slipped inside the door to the box office to see one of our fellow VIPers in line for concessions, instructing us to tell the gal at the table at the front of the line our names and they would be... on the list. And so they were.

We got our tickets and headed inside to see two halves of "Reserved" rows filled by our buddies: the circle of friends through which I was initially introduced to Brook. The people with whom I've attended countless nights of karaoke and parties, one of which was at the Playboy Mansion for Brook's birthday a few years ago. And it felt like the band was back together. I wasn't in Minnesota to watch Brook's rise to fame; I arrived a few months after she had already moved to Los Angeles just as "Juno" was being released. But I felt at home as The Adopted in this little group and last night it felt like I was there all along.

Apparently the people who had received passes to the movie didn't even know what movie they were going to see, or that Brook & director Jason Reitman would be there. But it was a full theater of fans when the two of them walked out into the auditorium to greet the cheering crowd.

As for the movie itself, I did enjoy it, despite it leaving a pain in my chest from the excruciatingly visceral assholishness and stupidity of Mavis Gary. The movie's got no redemptive arc, which is fine by me; I kinda wanted to see what "eventually happens" to the character though. Does she get what's coming to her? Or is nothing coming to her and well, sorry peeps, that's life? The film was apparently just how Brook wanted it to be, so I think we're looking at the latter. Sometimes people just keep going through life the way they want to see it. I guess that makes Mavis Gary an everywoman.

The movie ended, we clapped, and Brook shuffled up the aisle from the front of the theater, leaned over us and said, "Nye's? See you at Nye's?" Broadcast it, why doncha, girl? We wanna hog you all to ourselves.

On our way out, we got this pretty rad poster commemorating the evening:

Upon arriving at Nye's, everyone was already there and standards were being sung accompanied by the pianist, and what's this? Brook sitting at a table signing our posters? Back to the car we went to retrieve them, against the warnings of our fellow VIPers, assuming that Brook would feel put out to sign posters for her friends. At any rate, I now have an autographed "Young Adult" poster.

I went out for a smoke (yes, I had started smoking again earlier this year and have since quit again for 2 months) and when I came back in, I learned that everyone, including Brook, had been telling Todd how awesome I am. Nothing like coming in from a self-esteem-destroying activity into a freshly-laundered Snuggie of compliments, including another one from Brook about my adorable rainbow pixie cut. "I went to Burning Man this year," I explained regarding my coif. "Oh yeah, Burning Man'll do that to ya," she replied," I've always wanted to go." I highly recommended it and I think I threw in something about Kidsville (a camp at BM where there are children of varying ages; I saw 4-year-olds, I'm pretty sure).

Me N Todd, photo by Molly P

Brook got up to sing a song, which I don't remember, but I do remember being absolutely BLOWN AWAY by her voice. I've heard her sing before and every time, I'm just floored by what a compelling and naturally high voice she has. I was inspired to write a duet, which I never did, but I might do soon.

I also ate most of Jason Reitman's birthday cake.

There was this woman that was sitting amongst us who later got into the car to go back to the hotel with Brook & Jason. I think her name was Megan. I didn't recognize her; I think she may have been with the movie company? But she told me she was watching me from behind during the movie that evening. And she said I was laughing at all the things no one else was laughing at... and it was for that reason she could tell why Brook and I were such good friends. I told her that, unfortunately, Brook and I weren't that close, that I mostly knew her peripherally through all these other wonderful people, but that I knew she and I have a similar sense of humor and if given the chance, would probably become good friends. Maybe someday.

Anyway, Young Adult. Go see it.

My friend Ross squeezing a bee

2011-12-20T11:25:00.001-06:00

Sure, there's a story behind this. But why ruin it?

I mean, you're gonna consume anyway...

2011-12-01T15:33:00.002-06:00

Sometimes I forget that hey, we live in a consumerist culture. And it's kinda what our economy depends on. So, when you want to buy, buy local. Of course.

Black Friday angers me. Mostly because people literally die so that consumers can get insane deals on overpriced shit that will break down in half a decade anyway. You know what I love? The 1970s model Sunbeam MixMaster that my friend's mom gave me a couple of years ago.

That same friend also gave me her old Electrolux vacuum. It works. It works well. I love it. And the bags are still available. Awesome.

It looks something like this.

Unfortunately, my lack of penchant for shopping and wanting new things all the time like a good American means that I wear jeans with crotch holes patched and re-patched and underwear with tan-brown faded period stains for YEARS. Whatever, they're clean.

But I just LOVE The Imaginary Foundation Shirts and usually I wait till sales, but these are new items for which I frequently drop coin.

It says "Cosmic High-Roller." And it's Stephen Hawking. How rad is that????

Timelines

2011-07-22T13:00:00.006-05:00

On Thursday, June 23, after teaching a two-hour theater class to five kids at Fridley High School, I bounced over to St. Paul to pick up my first-ever check for professional on-camera work from one of my agents at Talent Poole. Tom Poole was in the office, but my check was not. I had to go pick it up from his wife and partner in the business, Geanette Poole, whom I had never met. But before I left, Tom asked if I had a little time to chat with him about a project for which he thought I would be a great addition. Inside my thought factory, I had a blip of "I just want to grab my check and get back to getting my stuff done!" My stuff, to which I always escape when I don't want to do something else. But then I reconsidered: "I better stay and talk. He is my agent, after all, and he is talking about a job." What proceeded was a conversation that had me almost in tears of laughter and slack-jawed with all the ideas bandied about. I left there bubbling with excitement for my coming relationship with this agency and with Tom, who was clearly enchanted with my work and my potential and my talent.

I drove to Tom & Geanette's home just a few blocks away to pick up my check, which Geanette had accidentally taken home in a flurry of some sort. Wiggling up to me came their little dog, by which Tom warned me against getting licked. Geanette was younger than I imagined... she actually reminded me a lot of an old high school friend's hip and gentle mother. I retrieved the payment and shook hands, exchanged smiles and was on my way.

Four nights later, June 27, I emailed Talent Poole to ask about getting my voiceover career ramped up: getting my demo done, being placed on their website, doing my own website? I received a response from a woman I've never dealt with before telling me the agency was on hold due to a medical emergency and Geanette would respond when things calmed down, probably after a month. I was worried for the Poole family, but my slowly budding career was more on the forefront of my mind.

See, about 9 days prior to my email, on June 18, I ran into my buddy John at a mutual friend's wedding. John informed me that he had taken a job as an agent at Nuts, a "rival" agency in town (I refuse to believe that anyone is actually in rivalry with anyone else... unless they are, but that Minnesota Nice gets in the way. Yeah, I'm sure that's it). He was a little bummed I had gone with Talent Poole, an exclusive agency, meaning I couldn't also be with Nuts. Nevertheless, John called me a couple days later, maybe on June 20, to ask me to come in to audition anyway. I returned his call and said, "sure, why not?" I like being wanted.

Skip to June 23, meeting with Tom. Skip to June 27, email from Talent Poole re: medical emergency. Which brings us to the next day, during which I found out the medical emergency was that Tom had been hit by a car on June 24 or 25... I have read two different dates.

I *just* saw him. It's so weird when that happens. I just saw him the day before an accident that fractured his skull, resulting in severe brain trauma and a coma.

Tom passed away on July 6.

I had my audition with Nuts on July 7. I was melancholy and felt like I was betraying my agent in a time of need, but that's my M.O. Taking on guilt when I don't need to.

July 11, I received the letter from Nuts offering representation. A week later, I mailed off my acceptance with 12 headshots/resumes. I promptly emailed Geanette (a draft I had been saving till I knew it was what I wanted to say) to let her know that I was making a business decision to go with the other agency because Talent Poole was on hold and because I wasn't sure exclusivity was the right choice for me to make as a newbie to the business here. She emailed me back almost immediately wishing me luck and letting me know that I always had a place there should I choose to come back. And also that Talent Poole wasn't "on hold!" I guess I was misinformed, or just assumed because I hadn't heard anything further since my email on June 27, the status remained. Oh well. The point is that bridges were not burned. And my decision feels right.

I had only had two conversations with Tom in person: the aforementioned, and on the day I came over to their office to sign on as talent. On both occasions, Tom's Arkansian drawl and playful distaste for being indoors out of the sun struck the "kindred spirit" chord in me, as weird as that might seem. But I can't really talk much about him, having not truly known him, so I suggest you read this and this and this to get an idea of what a loss this is to Tom's family and the Twin Cities theater community.

A Level Up.

2011-07-19T09:34:00.003-05:00

A few months ago I got an email from a man that said something like, "I've tried to contact you a few times, but if I don't hear back from you this time, I won't waste your time anymore. I have seen your work and am interested in involving you in a project."

Project involvement? To which I didn't respond? P'shaw! Gawd knows I can't say no to just about anything. I searched my email inbox, my spam, my trash folder for this dude's name and I couldn't find anything. Of course, I responded right away: "I'm sorry, but I don't think I've heard from you previously - I'm usually very punctual in responding to performance opportunities..." TRUE. Usually.

This man ended up being Mike Todaro, one of the geniuses behind The Producing House, an outfit here in the Twitties that, you guessed it, produces. Produces theater. And by the looks of it - the kind that I usually avoid at all costs.

Well, that's not exactly accurate. I *did* see "We Gotta Bingo" with aforementioned girl crush Dawn Brodey (with whom, by the by, I just did an awesome variety show last night and got an invitation to go on her houseboat. TCB, baby, T. to the C. to the B.). But also, because now I'm a slightly less judgmental, barely less self-righteous unemployed actor (just as an actor I'm unemployed... mostly because I'm currently employed full time as an office drone).

Editor's note: now that I'm scrolling through TPH's roster, the shows they do actually look pretty awesome. See? Judgmental. Slightly less, but still.

Aaaanyhooters. After Mike asked me to be on this show and before I knew much about it or knew much about his company, I saw this cast list, which is made up, by almost 50%, of performers I love and admire and have worked with. So, I was like, why not?

So Mike tells me about the show. It's called "Celebrity Autobiography," it's been running for the past few years in New York (+1), it consists of actors reading big celebrities' autobiographies on stage (+1 for little preparation & lots of personality), I would be part of the regular local cast (+1), it's monthly (+1, steady, but small paycheck), and there would be nationally-known entertainers involved (+3 for the connections). Sounded good to me, sign me up!

Well, it happened last Friday night and it was so much fun. Myself and another local actress, George Keller, took to the stage with our big personalities to read the pieces given to us just a few days prior for the little preparation I mentioned earlier. Joining us for the two shows that evening were creators Gene Pack & Dayle Reyfel, actors Tim Bagley and Michael Urie, and Illeana Douglas. Illeana Douglas! I didn't really know who the other people were because I rarely watch TV, but I know who Illeana Douglas is! She laughed at two of my jokes! Everyone was really nice. Michael Urie even let me videotape him wishing my friends Allegra & Amy a happy life together as they got married the next day. I won't be sharing the video because of SAG rules (I think there's rules against it), but believe me: he was so sweet about it.

We had a decent-sized crowd in a large space, the Loring Theater, but we killed. We had people dying, tears streaming down their faces. My friends that came to see the show said it was exactly what they needed at the end of a long week. It was an amazing time and extremely gratifying. I can't wait for the next one, which will be at the end of August. I can't wait to see who we'll be performing with.

Here's Kristin Johnson reading the same piece I read (I was way more earnest, innocent, and dead pan):

So, yeah, I feel like I'm a level up.

Stop Me If You Think That You've Heard This One Before

2011-07-12T17:23:00.002-05:00

This is a 2+ minute version of this story, as told to the folks at Minnesota Public Radio, who did a fine job of editing together the two pieces of my recounting.

Small Tales: Don't play the Backstreet Boys from MPR Art Hounds on Vimeo.

And Now The Most Predictable Thing I Have Said So Far This Year

2011-05-13T23:50:00.005-05:00

I loved "Bridesmaids." Loved, loved, loved it. Aside from a few little nitpicky things, I found it to be damn near perfect. My nitpicky things aren't even worth talking about. It was an authentic, funny, and loving to tribute to women's relationships with just enough romantic comedy sprinkled in to make the theater go "awww..." a few times.

There are so many fantastic scenes and dialogue exchanges, some outlandish expressions of the typical middle-class white girl's inner monologue (I can only speak for my own experience, but I do assume the new vs. old best friend jealousy pervades many a woman's mindspace during these kinds of events), principal characters who all have AT LEAST THREE layers of depth (the main characters much more). THREE!

At some point during the final 20 minutes or so of the film, a woman in our theater could not stop laughing. She said that, between gasping laughter, "I can't stop." At first it was weird and slightly annoying. And then the rest of us were infected. I wanted to watch the tender moments that were happening on screen and I couldn't because I was crying from laughing so hard. Some people around us did not catch it, but my friend was hitting me she couldn't stop laughing either. It was a wonderful moment.

"Bridesmaids" is the movie that made me laugh the hardest I have laughed in a long time. I identified with it, I got it, it was made for me. Just like Liz Lemon is made for women like me. Kristen Wiig, I salute you. And you, Judd Apatow. And everyone involved on this film.

I don't have to link the trailer here; you can find it. I can't wait to see it again. I think I'm going to make the Leading Man see it with me. And if you have the slightest inclination to see this movie, do. It needs your support. Movies that are honest, truthful representations of women being funny, jealous, insecure, ridiculous, forgiving, loving, and real people need to be made more often. Maybe they are and I just don't see them or they don't get the marketing "Bridesmaids" has, but I doubt it.

I've Got A Crush On You: Episode 1

2011-05-11T10:52:00.005-05:00

I think I fall in love with someone new, like, every other week. These people come into my life, whether they know it or not, and infuse me with drive and a renewed sense of purpose.

My latest, and the first profiled for this feature that I may or may not keep up with (to be determined), is a local actress, playwright, and historian (yup), Dawn Brodey.

I officially met Dawn a couple of weeks ago at the Bryant Lake Bowl when we were both involved in the Bill Clinton show of Salon Saloon. She presented a historical timeline piece on the controversial presidencies throughout U.S. History, ultimately positing that Clinton's Lewinsky scandal really wasn't so bad, in comparison with the Commander-In-Chief company he keeps. It was hilarious AND educational.

But I first discovered Dawn when I came out to visit the ex (and do Fringe) in August 2007 before I moved to the Twin Cities, he and I attended "We Gotta Bingo," one of those cheesy, interactive theatrical shows that gets suburbanites off the couch and "out on the town" to experience some "culture." I do not mean to be judgmental: there is something for everyone. And who am I to pick on this kind of entertainment anyway: I still have a day job that sucks my soul out. Dawn, with flaming burgundy hair and tattooed forearms, was clearly the coolest, punkest person in the cast... and clearly, she was A-OK with being involved in such a production. A production that Courtney-of-that-time cast off as artless and pandering. Maybe so. But Dawn was having fun with it, getting paid to be on stage, and - and perhaps this is me projecting - she was not taking herself so seriously that she couldn't do a show that made people I am way too quick to judge laugh and let go.

I remembered Dawn. I didn't really see much more of her afterward, nor was I looking, till I saw Facebook photos of her and another amazing actress about town, Mo Perry (another crush from before I started this blog), during a cross-country road trip on which they embarked together. Crush grew. (I did admit to her I had looked through these photos when we met. She responded with, "I would rather drive through Indiana than fly to some tropical locale" or something like that. I think I emphatically agreed with a dazed "Uh Huh." Wow, Court. Fountain of conversation. A geyser.)

Then there was Salon Saloon. She was on stage in a red and white-striped top and navy blue skirt like a sexy American flag, red lipstick, and earrings and bangles, CLASS all the way home. And her VOICE. Raspy, adorable, sexy, fun. Dawn seems like the kind of woman that never gets drunk or high and does or says things she regrets. It's okay if someday she ruins this image of herself to me because then that means we're partying together.

I also finally went to fellow Rockstar Storyteller Dave Mondy's quarterly BLB show, The Entertainment Machine, this past Sunday and there was Dawn again. I wasn't aware she was in this show, I wasn't sure she would recognize me from our meeting a few weeks prior in the same space, and I'm pretty sure she caught me staring at her on stage (she was on the "back line," not the focus of what was currently happening, so I "should have" been looking at whomever was talking... probably Dave). She looked amazing again! She was nautical American again! Cherry red lips and matching shoes! I was entranced and probably very creepy. Sigh.

Today I somehow stumbled upon her website (totally accidental, not stalking at all) and learned SHE LIVES ON A HOUSEBOAT. Thus sealing my utter girl-crush, seething envy, and desire to actually BE HER.

By the by, I texted The Leading Man right away and said, "Let's buy a houseboat on the Mississippi." "Okay" he texted back. AWESOME.

Yeah. So?

2011-05-08T00:33:00.005-05:00

What a wonderful day today was.

I woke up at 6am to work on my fifth for the Five-Fifths of Fringe. I did laundry, I ate delicious food I bought yesterday, made myself some coffee. I went to a yoga class at 10am, two blocks from my house. I walked there in the radiant, warm spring sun on this fragrant Minnesota day. Around 12pm, I finished up the guacamole I made for the Twin Cities' Tiny Women Funny Fest (meaning the fest was tiny, the women were not necessarily so) at Huge Theater, just a few blocks from my house. I rode my bike there. I was surrounded by amazing, funny, talented women for 4 hours. We talked about women in comedy and gender and feminist theory and did improvisation together. It was so much fun. Then I came home for a couple of hours, napped, saw a good friend for a few minutes, went to usher for a hilarious, brand new original rock musical by my friend, fellow Rockstar Storyteller, and colleague, Joseph Scrimshaw. After that show, I participated in a super-fucking-fun improv game show (incidentally with Joseph), drank some whiskey and beer and laughed my ass off with good friends. Throughout the day, I got naughty texts from my man, and even a few naughty emails.

I am so lucky.

I think about, every day now, the water I use, the bed I sleep in, the clothes I have, the food I have, the roof above my head... I think about the bus I ride, the weather, the town I live in... I think about all the things I have. And how so many people in this world do not have those things. I remind myself to be super fucking grateful for the life I was born into. Millions, MILLIONS, of people do not have the life I lead. Millions of people suffer in this world and I have the gall sometimes to think that my art, my craft, the stories or songs I write are not good enough for the world. There are women in this world that get killed for saying in private the shit I say in public, on stage. I think about how there are women, there are people, on this Earth, that are barred, because a fellow human decided it was so, from expressing themselves they way that, for lack of a better term, GOD intended them to.

I have never considered myself a religious person. At times I consider myself spiritual. But I think the greatest irony in my life currently is the fact that these assholes in our country who yell the loudest and know the fewest facts, these dicks who live-and-don't-let-live, these self-righteous bastards who are in our Congress and are voting in our polls who think that they know the best way for people to live: these people make me believe in God. These people who claim to believe in God and call themselves Christians, these people who fuel themselves with hate, these people remind me: there IS a higher power. I don't call it God, personally, but I know that in a universe so vast, so expanding, so incomprehensible... it does not matter what laws created by humans reign over me. The President of the United States has no more value in God's eyes than I do. A Tea Party shithead who goes to "church" every Sunday with their rifle and their homophobia has no more value in "God's" eyes than I do. We are all creations of the universe; we will all die and we are all freckles on the red-headed face of time. (yeah, I like that metaphor too).

I hope that, if the shit ever hits the fan for me, and I find myself tortured in some remote location for being an artist, a liberal, a free-thinker, a dissident... I hope that I can find the strength to separate my mind from my pained body and just travel out into space. I pray that those in this world that suffer every day are able to live within the relativity of their situation, for their own sake. And I pray for myself that I face the "fears" I have about my creations and just put out there what I am intended to put out.

The fear that artists living in our culture have around their art is so useless. It's bullshit and it's utterly fucking self-involved. Fuck the critics. Especially that one in your head, but even more especially those outside yourself. Because there would be no critic in your head if it wasn't for those people you think are critiquing you, or those that actually are in the papers and such. But fuck 'em. They're only useful for press releases. Otherwise, they're a bunch of fucking assholes and you don't need 'em. Critics only exist for press quotes and because our world revolves around money. But money's a bunch of fucking bullshit too.

My point is, if you're reading this, you're probably a lot luckier than millions of other people on this Earth. Millions of others who are unlucky without clean water or a warm bed to sleep in... but in God's eyes, they're just the same as you. Who knows what the next life will bring, if there is one... just. Be. Grateful. Remember that you are lucky. Whether or not you deserve it is of no worry to you. Just enjoy.

New Song!

2011-05-02T10:59:00.002-05:00

My new song "(Don't You Dare) Pee On Me" got its debut on Guffaw this morning!

Done. And not done.

2011-05-02T06:45:00.001-05:00

I finally signed with an acting agent a few weeks ago. I told him, him being the fabulous Tom Poole of Talent Poole Agency, that I felt like I was seventeen again. Only not "again" because I never got an agent when I was seventeen, but it's been a goal that I've never really thought I could achieve for some silly reason since then.

I've always had a block on taking that step to becoming a professional. I have a lot of blocks, but my check-in is: Am I happy? And if the answer is not yes, that's when I change. I don't always change immediately, but I start the process.

But now is my time. I am in a small enough city that I'm not overwhelmed by my competitors or being a small fish lost in the sea, but I've also been here long enough that people know who I am. It's all in the timing, as my mother said in her congratulatory message in response to the news. And I can't have any regrets about what I haven't done because in place of that not-doing, I have been doing a lot.

Also, another hurdle I've been putting off jumping over for years, I recently cleared:

I got my headshots redone. This news is a couple of months old now, but it's still a big step in the direction towards making money for my looks. Heh.

The Night Before Opening Night

2011-04-06T22:00:00.005-05:00

When I lived in New York, I met Flash Rosenberg through The Fucking Cool Women's Society. Flash is an illustrator/photographer/writer/performer and last I visited her home, she was living in the garment district I believe. I'm sure she hasn't moved as she had plastic tubs upon plastic tubs of costumes, props, writings... she had a bin of battery-operated torches a la Lady Liberty. I still have mine that she gave me because I too never know when I might need it.

Flash gave me a piece of advice I have not forgotten for the past, oh, 6 or 7 years. Since I got it. It was something like, "think of your performance tonight as just another part of your day."

I wonder if this is the reason I don't feel nervous anymore before an opening night. It might also be that I just do it a lot more often now than I have ever in my life, but opening night just doesn't freak me out anymore. I suppose I should be grateful, but I do miss that bubbling anticipation.

So, yeah, we open tomorrow. A show that is par-for-the-course Theater Arlo faire, The HMS Pacific Princess Boat is definitely one of the more weird and fun shows in which I've ever participated. I think the thing that weirds me out most about opening tomorrow is that I'm technically still not off-book. I mean, I AM, but I'm in that limbo of "I know my lines better than I think/I DON'T KNOW MY LINES," which is the limbo of which on-stage anxiety dreams are made. I should be more nervous. But I'm not. Because what I do know is I'm going to HAVE FUN. If a line is dropped, everyone in the cast is a talented enough improv actor to be able to get us on the right track. Maybe that's it. I don't know. Don't know if I care either.

If you're in the Twin Cities area, you should come see it. It's silly, it's nostalgic, and it's delightfully odd. In a sci-fi/fantasy way.

My Spring Fundraising Kick!

2011-03-17T16:18:00.003-05:00

Hello friends and family!

This is where I will ask for some money to help with a couple of causes that are dear to my heart.

BOWL-A-THON!
For the 3rd year in a row, I am going to be participating in the Pro-Choice Resources Bowl-A-Thon with the F*cking Cool Women Society -Twin Cities chapter. We're bowling on Thursday, March 31 at 9pm. I participate in this fundraiser as an outspoken advocate of women's reproductive health. This doesn't just mean access to and comprehensive information about abortion, "reproductive health" has to do with everything from education about the human body and reproductive system based on actual science, access to family planning services, pre- and post-natal health services, counseling services, etc; anything that can help a person to make an informed, confident choice about having a family.

Go here to donate!

(I understand this is a hot-button issue for some of you. If you would like to support me, but not for this cause, please consider the following):

MS 150-MILE BIKE RIDE
I am also riding a bike, oh, 150 miles in an effort to raise money for multiple sclerosis June 10-12. I have a minimum fundraising goal of $300, but I'd love to raise more! I am mostly doing this fundraiser because my buddy Marne is doing it through her work, Capella University, and it just sounds like so much fun. Yes, I think that riding a bike 150 miles sounds like FUN! Attach a good cause to the fun and I'm game. Please consider donating here.

Thanks for your time! And thank you for your help.

I Don't Know

2011-03-17T13:01:00.003-05:00

"I Don't Know" always reminds me of my former-crush, present-performance colleague and buddy, Ben San Del's myspace page. Now it says he's "drawing a blank," but it used to just say "I don't know." And it cracked me up because I can hear Ben say it, with the deadpan of a not-yet-seasoned stand-up comic (at the time), but with a slight exasperation like his mom was asking again for the umpteenth time.

Or maybe that's just how I would say "I don't know."

I finally finished the third level of improvisational comedy classes at the Brave New Institute. I was extremely fortunate to have the fabulous, talented, and wise-beyond-her-years Lauren Anderson as my instructor. Lauren embodies one of the reasons I chose to study at BNI (aside from the fact that it was one of the only and seemingly most reputable long-form improv schools): the white light.

The White Light is, as explained in the Student Manual you receive upon your first BNI class, that space we pass through now and then where there is no thought, no identity, just purity, blankness. As an improviser, one passes through this space more often and if you're really good at your craft, you can go there very easily and return every day. It's a meditative space. You get it.

So Lauren has been talking to us about "I don't know." Her theory - and I regard it as the truth - is that we *do* know. When we say "I don't know," we're avoiding the answer for one reason or another. Specifically on stage in improvisation, you *know.* You always know what the other person on stage is talking about because that's how the scene progresses. Asking questions puts too much on your scene partner because you're making them do all the work by giving you the answers. Simply, the answers are already there; they're anything you want them to be.

It hit me last night that the biggest "I don't know" in my life that I'm aware of is the answer to the question, "What do I want to do with my life?" And already, as I finished typing that sentence, I totally know what the answer is.

I want to make art.
I want to encourage everyone else to make art.
I want to spread love, creativity, hope, and laughter.

Mainstream American culture, the one that's hardest to escape, really wants me to define this in the form of a vocation, and that's where I get hung up.

Because

I want to act
I want to draw
I want to play music
I want to make jokes
I want to teach
I want to improvise
I want to administrate
I want to run
I want to stretch
I want to travel
I want to make money
I want to be healthy
I want to collaborate
I want to perform

And in writing that list, I thought I was going to end it with "SEE? there's TOO MUCH I want to do." But I can do all that. But how to do it simply and fit it all in without stress? How to do it all and not have to have a day job? How can I love my life every minute of the day?

I don't know.

Yeah, that's bullshit too.

Just re-reading my 3 simple objectives (the first ones) makes me feel so much better about my life and my endeavors and my future. Because I think I have been living those 3 objectives; I have already achieved them on some level. But they're not destinations, they're Being and Doing. It's nice to know I've been doing it all along.

I Guess That's Why They Call It The "Zone"

2010-12-19T22:15:00.009-06:00

Yesterday, I was about to pull the glove onto my right hand when I noticed little red splotches, like paint, all over my palm. I was on my way over to get a fabulous manicure from Jen and see the surrogate nephew for the last time before my trip home to California for the holidays when I spotted the, erm, spots. Because I couldn't wrap my head around what possibly could have caused it, I decided not to worry about it.

About a half hour later at Jen's, she instructed me to wash my hands in preparation for my mani (which she would be administering! What an amazing gift, eh? A friend doing you a luxury service. I love it). When I looked at my splattered hand, I noticed that there were more spatters and smears near my ring and middle fingers. It was clearly blood and upon closer inspection, it was coming from a scrape near my ring fingernail.

So, I wagered I had scraped a little bit of skin off my finger within the past hour, but I couldn't for the life of me figure out how. I washed my hands and got on with my day.

Then, this evening, I picked up my banjo to practice my songs in preparation for a recording session I'm doing with my brother in California next week (squeeeee!) and I noticed...

... red splatters. Almost like paint. Wow. I had been practicing so hard yesterday, I did not notice that I was lightly bloodying up my finger. Sometimes playing hurts, but you push through it and get your practice done! It's a little injury, but I love that I have this evidence that I literally bled over getting my work done. And now I have an awesome blood splatter stain on Ernie to prove it. Which also leads me to point out Ernie's worn out spot from where my hand hits during claw hammering, and the dirt that has been ground into the drum. And he's less than a year old. Awesome.

Seriously So Flattered!

2010-12-01T22:44:00.006-06:00

... to be on the front of the Minnesota Fringe Festival website!!

You should also watch this cool video for which I did a little bit of voiceover (of three voices, I'm the last one):

Minnesota's Identity and The Arts

2010-12-01T21:50:00.006-06:00

One of the most awesome organizations in the Twin Cities, Works Progress, hosted a night at Intermedia Arts called "Minnesota's Identity and The Arts." It was a really informative and inspiring program hosted by my buddy Andy Sturdevant.

Andy devised an interactive audience game: "Six Degrees of Minnesota Arts." The game went like this: everyone in the room had a name tag that included their favorite MN Arts experience. Mine was, of course, Fringe. Two people were chosen and the audience had to find the degrees of separation! We started with Art-A-Whirl and 1419.

In the video of the evening, below, we are trying to find a link between Walker Open Field, a summer of arts and performance at the Walker Arts Center, and 1419, an alternative arts collective of University of Minnesota arts punks.

I am the seemingly silent person in black that makes that "slam dunk" connection!

Watch live streaming video from mnoriginal at livestream.com

I love Andy's reaction! It made me feel SO SMART AND CULTURED! So, of course, the connection was Fringe! How? Well, Rockstar Storytellers is made up of Fringe performers and we just performed at Walker Open Field this year. Four Humors are also frequent Fringe favorites and they have a relationship with 1419 (the least of which is that we've rehearsed in their cold, cold basement).

BOO YAH.

The evening featured the intimidatingly stoic Wing Young Huie (an artist clearly and admirably comfortable in his own skin), Chuck Olsen of MN Original, Ananya Chatterjea of Ananya Dance Theatre, and longtime Minneapolis musician, Adam Levy. Good shit, man.

So... in the who what now?

2010-11-26T22:45:00.008-06:00

Are more people going to be reading this now that I've been profiled as a D-List Celebrity in the Twin City Daily Planet's "Who IS That?" I'm seriously so flattered. I moved to Minneapolis to be a bigger fish in a smaller pond and I think it's safe to say that has happened. This article makes it so.

Anyway, you've been on my mind, blog. I know, I know, I've been seemingly satiated by the quickies Twitter gives me, but, the writer in me! Oh, she cries for more space to complain!

Tonight I performed some of my new songs at the Punch Out Poetry show. It was a great crowd, about 40 people packed into this tiny basement space like some kind of stinky, delicious fish. That is not commentary on how many lesbians were there. SEE?

Also, I cut my hair SHORTER!! Because I don't want to cut it for, like, 4 months. This is me and my buddy Tim at Thanksgiving.

And now, I've grown tired of writing, so... video blog!! As you can see, I get to try out my new trick of out-syncing my voice with my mouth movements. I'd share my secret with you, but then, I'd have to eat you.

Moments

2010-10-27T21:06:00.004-05:00

Me and October Dandy on our way to the Renaissance Festival. You heard me.

I chopped my hair off.

Progression

2010-10-27T20:50:00.003-05:00

A lot has changed since I last wrote in this blog! As things do, I suppose. The biggest thing is probably that I broke up The Dirty Curls. I did it for several reasons and I don't regret it, but I do wish that I had been more honest with myself and hence with my bandmates about what I want and need in my life and what I wanted out of the project itself. Every musician I talk to is like, "meh, bands break up," and many people are proud of me for taking the step and doing what I think is best for me. I am too. It's a complicated story, however, and I don't really want to get into it now. It's only been two months and my wounds are still fresh and my perspective is limited.

Now, however, I can't help but feel a little lost. I don't know how I want to proceed. I have allowed myself to be social and free with my friends the past couple of months, but I'm feeling the need to clamp down creatively again and I'm not sure how. Like, what are my intentions? Do I want to work towards a craft that will help me extricate myself from my dayjob, which I like in many ways, but is becoming considerably more difficult and moving in a direction that isn't where I want to go. Of course, I suppose I don't really know that.

I have been itching to paint again. Monday is the beginning of NaNoWriMo, in which I have decided I'm going to participate, but there is a looming fear of not being able to follow through with it. I keep reminding myself to go day by day. I am also committing to going to open mics for comedy again. Even though I find, for the most part, the stand-up comedy scene very difficult to love, there is something inside of me that has been drawing me back to it repeatedly over the last 7 or 8 years. 7 or 8 years! Wow, if I had been doing comedy that whole time, I'd probably be on Broadway by now. But, I'm not, and I'm totally okay with that. Something about the experience with the band made me realize that perhaps I don't want to be famous. At least not for fame's sake.

I have been taking banjo lessons and running. I'm running a 5K on Dec. 4, so I'm training for that. And it's getting cold here. My goal was to bike through the winter too. Both running & biking in our climate here in Minnesota is definitely a challenge, but more than just the comfort; the financial aspect. I can probably spend upwards of $600 for all the gear I would need to be safe. Hm. When I actually put the number down, it doesn't seem so bad.

I'm finally sponsoring a Congolese woman too, which is something I've been wanting to do for a while. I have yet to write to her though. It's on my to-do list for the weekend.

It's been bouncing around my head to write a blog again. And I've wanted to just start a new one, but I'll just continue here. Why not? I can't judge myself anymore; I am who I am. I'm a little lazy, a little crazy, a little hilarious, but I have lots of love. I just have to remember it's there.

The Connectors

2010-05-03T16:38:00.003-05:00

Check it out!!!!

One of my besties, Brett, has been tapped to participate in this show on WRS (World Radio Switzerland), "The Connectors"... a radio show about ex-pats!

The first show is on Recycling in Switzerland.

I'm listening right now... how awesome! And check out Brett's awesomely nerdy profile pic.

(one of the) BEST WEEKEND(s) EVER! Part DEUX!

2010-05-03T14:55:00.004-05:00

May 2nd was the fabulous MAY DAY PARADE!!

I LOVE the May Day Parade. I was told I would love it upon my arrival in this town and the a**hole that told me that was right! I would liken it to Burning Man, but with no apparent drugs and with little kids.

Last year, Molly P invited me and a slew of other great people over to her house for breakfast, cocktails, and pre-parade fun before we walked over and claimed our spot on Bloomington Ave in the Powderhorn neighborhood. This year was going to be the same deal, but then Bunny suggested CMC & The Dirty Curls actually march in the parade. At first, I was supremely unkeen. May Day is like my St. Patty's, my Independence Day, my Cinco de Mayo. It's a day when I want to relax and be anonymous, not promote anything, just chill out and have fun. But I reluctantly agreed (it's my freaking band, why would I not want to march in the parade?) to use the day to put the band in front of thousands of people, if only as personalities. And it was sooooooooo much fun!

I was the only one at Molly's in the morning (Annette showed up as I was leaving), caught a last-minute bus to the meet-up area for the "Join-In" part of the parade. Joiners are not part of the May Day Parade theme story, per se, but are tacked on at the end representing their organization and "peaceful message." Our peaceful messages were, "Happy Trails to you, until we _______ again," and "I'm back in the saddle again; our where a friend ______ a friend." We had to keep it clean for the kids. Marching just a few groups ahead of us was Mayor RT Ryback, to whom I totally said, "Governor Ryback!" and he said, "not anymore" because apparently the Dems didn't choose him to run. I felt like an idiot. But I told him about CMC & The Dirty Curls anyway. To which he suggested we write a song called "Happy Tails To You." Oh, RT.

So, we marched, my feet hurt (I had bought in-soles earlier however), but we got so many "DIRTY CURLS!" shouts from the sidelines that it felt so amazing. People kept asking us who we were, what our deal was, etc. It was so much fun, but tiring. We ended up forfeiting passing out flyers around the lake at the festival afterward for the afterparty, also at Molly P's house. For the next 5 hours, we cavorted, drank, sang, hugged, chatted, danced, and got locked in a dog cage. A couple of moments I'd like to share:

We get James in the cage after much drunk coercion:

Some of the crew at the hippie sing-a-long:

We were at Molly's till about 10:30pm (a full 12 hours after I arrived that morning)... and I didn't even wake up drunk this morning!

And finally, Molly P in un-rare form as the hyper hostess... I LOVE this video... Molly P is totally one of my favorite people in this town:

(one of the) BEST WEEKEND(s) EVER! Part One.

2010-05-03T13:09:00.004-05:00

Well, that was one of the best weekends ever (a close rival to the weekend when Carly came to visit in October 2008 and the weekend I lost my Bob-Dylan-virginity in Connecticut in July 2005).

We started off with a shot of Jameson 12-year at the new Kieran's Irish Pub downtown (always a great way to start the day)... then we filmed the music video for our new song, "Minnesota Porn." The song (lyrics by Bunny, music by me), was intended for limited distribution to porn stars from Minnesota in the effort to get ourselves on the Adult Video Network Awards, but we decided to make a video and offer the song as a free download on our site. You can get it here! Also, the City Pages already did a little write-up about it! We're so famous now.

We filmed the video in Sex World (with permission!), a wonderfully seedy adult store (is that a redundancy?) in downtown Minneapolis... the same place with the golden hard-on ride, which of course, we utilized for many fun shots. Bunny's idea for the video was a la the last few minutes of Richard Linklater's Slacker, where we all had a camera and took footage around the store that he edited together (took him all night Saturday night! That's what I love about Bunny: he gets obsessed with something and has the insane perseverance to see it through till the end). We think we may have broken the law by us both being in the masturbation booth when we were filming the middle bridge stuff. One of the employees came to tell us that we can only have one person to a booth and then exclaimed, "I'M JUST DOING MY JOB, MAN." Okee. No one bothered us after that. Although, I have to say it was weird filming in a room with these booths (some of them even had live girls) where, behind closed stall doors, you could see mens' feet: evidence that they were jerking themselves off a foot away from you. At one point, I clasped my fingers on the underside of one of the stools in the booths and I swear I squished into some goopy lube (I HOPE that's what it was). Thankfully, each booth comes equipped with paper towels and hand sanitizer!

After the shoot, we unwound at Runyon's, a Minneapolis staple to which I had never been, and Bunny & Coco showed me their double spit-take:

Saturday night we met with Andrea Swensson from the City Pages to buy her a little gratitude drink for the last write-up she did about us. We met at the Monte Carlo, a quasi-swanky joint that reminded me of the Haunted Mansion at Disneyland. The waitresses wore maid outfits and the waiters and bussers wore white shirts and black bowties, like they were our servants. The walls were papered in hideous hunter green with large pink flowers (there were stripes in there too) and the ceiling was too high and the lighting was obnoxious. There was this huge wall of liquor, but my back was to it the whole time, so I didn't get to enjoy its wonder:

After we parted ways with Andrea, I decided I wanted sushi, so we headed to Origami to meet up with Amber Preston, a local comic extraordinaire whom we adore, to talk to her about touring and also to invite her to perform on our up-and-coming Bryant Lake Bowl monthly show.

(You can vote for Amber in the "Help Flo" competition here)

When we walked into Origami, there was a table of five people, one of whom was a dude that put his hand out to shake mine and ask if we were playing a show that night (I had my banjo on my back and we were all dressed in our Dirty Curls garb). He proclaimed he was playing a show at the Cabooze and I asked what band. "Shooter Jennings," he replied. "Cool," I said, not realizing that Shooter Jennings is Waylon Jennings' son. I didn't actually meet Shooter, I met the dude on the far left in that weird trippy link, but still pretty cool. I like having no idea who people are. It brings 'em down a level and also helps to keep me from feeling nervous and unworthy.

And that... was my May 1st.

BABIES BEWARE

2010-04-29T12:20:00.002-05:00

My friends are having babies. And I get to be the annoying friend that tells their babies things like, "Forgive yourself." "Love yourself." "Let go." I don't actually want children, I just want to brainwash them.

This is Nina. I've only met her twice, but she is a cutie.

And then there's Adrian, who lives right down the street from me so I get to harass him a lot.

Everyday Awesome!

2010-04-28T09:53:00.004-05:00

I have attempted the 365 Project a total of three times. I am currently on my fourth go-round and have technically failed again because though I started it last week, I missed Monday's picture. I don't care. I am moving along like that never happened. In fact, I've made a picture I took Sunday night my Monday picture. Because I like to live in what some of you call "denial." I've never heard of this "denial," but I suppose I'll take you on your word.

Also joining in are my ladies Emily, Yvonne, and Nell, plus Emily's friend (and now my internet friend) Bryn! And I think other people are in on it too.

Here's the set on Flickr... and here's last night's picture.

I am obviously in it for the art and less for the "day in the life" aspect. See, there you go with this "denial" business again.

Now For Something Completely Different

2010-04-28T09:47:00.002-05:00

Last night I finally got to go to Minneapolis' mecca of plastic genitalia and bored strippers texting in private booths, Sex World, where one can ride the huge golden cock for FREE!!

Campus Cops Lack Care Concerning Cannabis

2010-04-21T14:38:00.003-05:00

Yesterday was April 20, or 4-20, or you know, the day that pot smokers have christened a "holiday." How do pot smokers celebrate 4-20? By smoking pot.

At a major educational institution in my town, about 100 students gathered on the Mall to partake in shameless, public smoking yesterday.

From the MN Daily:

No police intervention was present. University police Chief Greg Hestness said he wasn’t aware of the day’s significance.

“I think that flew under our radar here [at the University police department],” he said. “I don’t know exactly what we’d do about it anyway, unless it was a public event.”

When told that the event was in fact public, Hestness said University police did not respond because the department received no calls of complaint.

As for the University, Hestness said the UMPD will not alter its actions for April 20, 2011.

The staff does not have the sufficient staff to “set up a sting” or surveillance detail in anticipation.

Read: they don't care.

AWESOME!!!

**For those of you new to me and/or my blog, I am super pro-legalization of marijuana. The fact that the University cops didn't seem to bat an eye at the students partaking pot-smoking is music to my ears.

Not quite as itchy as I thought.

2010-04-21T11:34:00.002-05:00

It's been about 7 months since my last trip back to my ole stomping grounds. A friend left this on my Facebook.

My last trip, which was arguably my favorite trip back to New York since I moved, has seemed to satiate me for a while. Though I definitely have to make it back again at some point this year.

But first? I'm going to New Orleans in a little over a month for the first time ever! I'm thrilled. Bunny & Coco (my bandmates) used to live there and they've convinced me that it might just be the best place on earth. Why am I going? SQUEENSTOCK! Dan & Yvonne are getting married!

(Remember Courtstock? Jackstock? Backstock? Reidstock?)

Then, in July, I'm finally, FINALLY going to Amsterdam. FINALLY!! Well, presuming that my flight through Iceland isn't affected by what is happening now, which, it might very well be.

Nice Try, Monday.

2010-04-19T10:13:00.002-05:00

Poor Monday, it gets such a bad rap by us 9-5 working stiffs. Monday's all, "Hey you jerks, you're lucky you even have me! I'm the beginning to something, a clean slate! The unknown, yes, but so is Tuesday! Shit, so is Friday!"

Oh, Monday: victim of hatred based on our arbitrary workweek.

Coincidentally, I woke up to discover my gmail account had been hacked and a member of the Twin Cities theatre community, whom I only met once or twice, passed away a little while ago at the way-too-young age of 30. Such a bummer.

But also a reminder to be grateful for what I have and the life I live.

Yeah, Monday is the beginning to my workweek and I would rather not have a "day job," but right now it's how I make my money and I'm grateful to have an income so that I can fill my fridge with food, keep a roof over my head, and have a warm bed to sleep in. So, thanks for coming around again, Monday... you just mean I'm one step closer to getting outta this rut!

A Better Woman Than I Ever Have Been

2010-04-16T16:19:00.005-05:00

Do you guys 'member when I would squeal about moving to Minnesota a lot? Like in an ungrateful "what is the world doing to me?" kinda way? I won't remind you any further than that (okay, fine... for those of you that wanna know the old me, I've reopened The Brash Lion Roars for ya. There's nothing new there, though).

I've long since changed my tune.

Living in Minnesota is by no means a permanent thing, but it totally doesn't suck. In fact, it's the opposite of suck; it's been an incredibly weird and awesome 2.5 years so far. I have been more productive and creative and confident here than in any other place, but I'm not glossing over the fact that I'm also older and quite possibly wiser too.

Also? I cooked a Mexican Hotdish.

At least there's Ellison

2010-04-16T09:58:00.003-05:00

Oh, Michelle Bachmann. I don't know if this is the Minnesota bubble, but it seems like she's made her mark on a national stage, hopefully as the delusional paranoid she is.

But I live in District 5, which means I'm represented by Keith Ellison. Feck yes.

Here's the form letter I got when I wrote my Congresspeople about the importance of Net Neutrality:

Dear Courtney,

Thank you for contacting me about H.R. 3458, the Internet Freedom Preservation Act of 2009. I am honored to hear from you and proud to represent you in the United States Congress.

The Internet has become an integral part of our everyday lives. We utilize it daily for communications, commerce, business, education and research. I believe we must ensure that Internet access is universal and open to all lawful content and information. I share your sentiments regarding Internet freedom and further, I consider freedom to access the Internet on par with American rights to free press.

As you know, there is increasing concern that the owners of the local broadband connections may block or discriminate against certain Internet users or applications in order to give an advantage to their own services. While owners of local networks have a legitimate right to manage traffic on their network to prevent congestion and viruses, they should not be able to block or degrade traffic based on the identity of the user or the type of application solely to favor their own interests. Like you, I am concerned that the ability of network providers to prioritize Internet traffic may give them too much power over the operation of, and access to, the Internet.

Currently, the Internet Freedom Preservation Act (H.R. 3458) is under consideration by the House Energy and Commerce Committee. While I do not serve on this Committee, please know that I will be certain to keep your views in mind as H.R. 3458 moves through the legislative process, and ultimately to the House floor for a vote.

As always, please feel free to contact me on this or any issue of concern. Sign up for our e-newsletter by visiting www.house.gov/ellison.

Phew!!! Thanks, Rep. Ellison.

I better get rich and famous soon.

2010-04-15T23:41:00.003-05:00

I have a vaguely ominous feeling sometimes that I might never have children. But then I remember that fertility technology is most likely growing at such a rate that there may not be a time in my life when I can't have children. Shoot, I might be able to transfer my consciousness into another body by the end of my time on Earth and if that happens, I might have a child when "I'm" 147. But right now, it's like, I have too much other stuff to do first.

However, I see stuff like this and feel like I gotta have a child (and I don't necessarily mean biologically; I should rephrase and say "raise a child," as I would love to adopt a gaggle of little humans I can program).

But seriously, this is a lovely 8 minutes of possibility:

"What Adults Can Learn From Kids"

Consider It Broken

2010-04-15T21:25:00.003-05:00

FINALLY a few weeks ago I purchased a new computer (after 2 1/2 years, people. I KNOW!!) and along with that I said WHAT THE HELL to an ipod.

It's on shuffle right now, shuffling my 7500+ or something songs. And Wilco's "I Am Trying To Break Your Heart" comes on.

That song reminds me of a certain someone from my past and the flood of memories that comes to me whenever I hear it is so visceral. I'm transported to sitting on the corner of his bed in front of his stereo while he's in the shower and I'm listening to the words thinking, "did he put this on on purpose?"

Man, that was one tight cocoon.

2010-04-15T09:52:00.007-05:00

I have started this blog entry several times with the whole, "I'm sorry I haven't written in so long, but let's move on with it," and then trashed it an equal amount of several times... anyway, let's move on with it.

We haven't talked since John Hughes' death. It was a huge blow to me. Okay, not really; he made his mark over two decades ago and, like, Michael Jackson, probably nothing he would create currently would affect me as much as that stuff. So... let's move on with it, eh?

The recap of the past 8 months:
- I was in "The Skin Of Our Teeth" with Girl Friday Productions in July 2009. Here's a picture of a scene (I'm the Dinosaur! ROWR!) by Richard Fleischman

- Then I was in the play "Sideways Stories From Wayside School," adapted by John Olive from the novels by Louis Sachar. The show was produced by Four Humors Theater, one of my very favorite companies here in the Twin Cities. I played Mrs. Jewls and I was super honored to do this show, which happened to break the record for single-night ticket sales in the Minnesota Fringe Festival. DEEEEAAAAAOOOOMMMMN. Here's a photo (by me) of our wonderful "kids" from tech rehearsal:

- At the same time during the Fringe, I was in the Rockstar Storytellers' show "Axed!" which was a great experience because I got to work more-closely-than-usual with my fellow storytellers Dave Mondy and Rik Reppe. We even got the encore slot for our venue, our homebase Bryant Lake Bowl, meaning we sold the most tickets of any show in our venue. I also received some not-very-favorable reviews for my performance in this show (I swear it was the one performance where I was unusually exhausted to which all the reviewers attended), but it was quite the learning experience: rest up for shows, yo! People can tell! The Rockstars also did a new thing this year, where we set up a deal for our fans: Collect all our trading cards (!) during the Fringe & you get a 2-for-1 pass for the entire 3rd season (Sept - July)! Here's the cards:

- My co-worker got a motorcycle and I rode it!

- Tori Amos, my very favorite musical artist, came to town on my birthday!! It was a good show.

- My friends Steve & Angie got married! Well, they had a reception as they got married IN SECRET a couple months earlier.

- I went to see President Obama talk about Health Care Reform at the Target Center!

and ran into my buddy Nick, of the aforementioned Four Humors Theater, being his usual witty self:

- I introduced the world to the first incarnation of my band, Courtney McClean & The Dirty Curls at Bedlam Theatre:

We recorded our first demo in St. Joseph:

And made a video on Marne's parents' farm (NSFW, if you don't already know).

- I saw Ani Difranco in concert for the first time in a decade!

Here's a random awesome picture:

- I went back to New York City for a week for my good friends Adam & Nell's wedding (Reidstock!). I stayed with my old one-month roomie, Isobel (I was her first roommate in NYC):

Isobel's boyfriend is a really good friend of the Beastie Boys and though I didn't meet them, I did attend the softball game at which Ad-Rock was the coach and Mike Myers played center field.

I reunited with some of my very favorite people:

Oh, man, there's so many pictures... but one last one from that week (duh!)

No wait, not that one... this one:

- And another wedding! My friends Trixi and Jonny tied the knot on Halloween with a James Bond themed ceremony... Bunny officiated!

- I performed again with Four Humors in the show "Love Is Blind And Furry" - here's a really cool video from 3-Minute Egg:

- Then I did "A Christmas Carol: The Golden Girls Remix" with Theatre Arlo:

Photo by Craig VanDerSchaegen

I had a blast with both shows!

- Me & The Dirty Curls did our first hour-long show at the Theatre Garage:

- I went to California for Christmas with Marne!

I got to hang out with my younger brother, just he and I, for the first time in like 14 years:

My besties from high school, Nicole & Stacey:

I got to the ocean for the first time in I don't know how long:

My brother & sister-in-law came to see Marne and I perform at the Cinema Bar in LA:

Marne & I stayed at Deebs' house after our show and molested her Oscar:

The McLean fam (with whom Marne had to deal for about 4 days) and some weird orbs (Grandma?):

Then, once 2010 rolled around, I decided that I wasn't going to do theatre for a while. 2009 was a blessed year for being in a virtually non-stop run of shows, but the theatre rehearsal schedule is too much for me: 5 or 6 days a week of 3-4 hour rehearsal? That's too much when it's for something that's not mine. Hence, I'm currently committed almost full-time to CMC & The Dirty Curls:

Photo by Craig VanDerSchaegen

We released our EP "Cowgirl the Fuck Up!" this past Saturday to a packed house at the Beat Coffeehouse. What an evening. Go to 3-Minute Egg again and scroll down a tad to catch our profile video on there. It's got some clips from the party.

Okay, so I really breezed over this past year and I hope I didn't miss too much. Now we start from now, m'kay?

He's A Righteous Dude.

2009-08-17T21:07:00.002-05:00

I can't believe that I have not commented on John Hughes' passing when I have a whole entry dedicated to Michael Jackson. But honestly, I can't really say it as well as my dear cousin Christopher.

Ferris Bueller's Day Off has been my favorite film since I first watched it on VHS when I was about 10. That was 1987, the year after its cinematic release. And unlike my experience with re-watching Labyrinth as an adult, FBDO holds up timelessly.

Thanks for Ferris, John.

Look Ma! I'm a Real Actress!

2009-07-21T13:47:00.003-05:00

That doesn't mean I'm getting paid. Well, I AM, but not like a "living wage." No me importa... I am living a version of my dream right now!

I told myself I would not apologize to my readers about not posting for a while. I suppose just making that statement is making the apology. No matter. You know where to find me if you need Courtney musings ASAP, right? Twitter, boo!

I have been performing in one show, which has been an amazing, AMAZING experience, and rehearsing another show with a company that I've been dying to work with and writing yet another show with storytelling contemporaries at whose feet I grovel. I must say that I haven't felt this creatively fulfilled in a while and I'm still not totally satisfied. I mean that like it's only whetting my appetite to keep this ball rolling.

Anyhoo... that's where I've been.

Two Years Later

2009-07-07T14:48:00.007-05:00

I've been out of New York for almost two years, residency-wise, and upon listening to my Gershwin station on Pandora today, I realized that I don't know the difference between the 3 Lower-East-most Bridges. Here you go, from Northernmost to Southernmost:

The Williamsburg Bridge:

Opened on December 19, 1903; Connects at Delancey St.

The Manhattan Bridge:

Opened on Dec. 31, 1909; connects at Canal Street in Manhattan.

The Brooklyn Bridge:

Opened on May 24, 1883

Non-Obligatory, Truly Heartfelt Comment on Michael Jackson's Death

2009-06-26T11:40:00.003-05:00

The poster hung in the far corner of my room, like a guardian angel over my bed, when I was five years old; in a yellow sweater vest, his bedroom brown eyes seemed to follow me from drawing another picture of E.T. on my Dad-made easel to my closet where I would make my sixth outfit change of the day. And thank you to the internet for bringing that poster back to me:

Now, yes, given the context of the events of Michael's life, imagining him watching me, a five-year-old child, changing my clothes several times a day is pretty creepy. I guess that would be true of any adult no matter what the context. But I had a big crush on Michael Jackson when I was that young. He could arguably be the first man I loved "like that," however possible that is as a child. But the feeling invoked by the poster was nothing my mother or father could bring out in me. It was eerie and enticing all at once. Possibly the seed of my current exhibitionism? Hm. Maybe.

I am not sure about all the molestation allegations against Michael; was he a predator or was he preyed upon? I feel like it would be weird to laud his life and lament his passing without mentioning the accusations, but I believe that he was always acquitted; my memory is hazy around it mostly because I didn't pay much attention or put much energy into judging. If I were to have an opinion now, I think that Jacko was nutty: most, if not all, truly talented artists are. They just exist on a different plane of reality than the rest of us. But I don't think he did any children any harm. I think he was an older man that, as a result of his own mangled childhood, never left a child-like mentality. I mean, doy, Neverland Ranch? Bubbles? That guy never grew up. He probably mentally trapped himself in the years before the abuse started and surrounded himself with children to keep that feeling alive, like doing a drug. I can understand how those parents found it creepy and threatening, when society teaches us that this is how a child behaves, but this is how an adult behaves. I could go on about this, but I'm not gonna.

The bottom line is, the man's music touched everyone else's in the world, the WORLD. Max Sparber wrote a very concise and wonderful tribute to the effect he had on us. And though I'm not sure his recent music will be anything compared to Thriller, Off The Wall, Bad, even HIStory, I personally am reminded of the tremendous and perhaps taken-for-granted place Michael Jackson's music had in my life. I will always get up and dance to just about anyone of his dance tunes ("PYT," "Don't Stop Till You Get Enough," "Thriller," "Beat It," "Off The Wall," "Rock With You," "Smooth Criminal," etc, etc, etc, will always get my square booty shakin'). Music is the universal language of human life. You will be hard-pressed to find anyone that doesn't listen to music. And within MJ's music, I think you will be hard-pressed to find someone that doesn't enjoy at least one of his songs, at least as a secret guilty pleasure.

Michael Jackson even got a little subversive... Have you ever heard "Earth Song?"

He was a weirdo. He warped his own appearance. Who cares? I mean, really, who cares. It's the weirdos that make life worth living.

Plus, he totally had that video with the "Elephant Man" in it and I can't help but totally connect with that, being extremely fascinated with the Elephant Man myself. And weren't they both just sideshow freaks?

He said it, but did we truly listen? Live Your Life Off The Wall.

Rest In Peace, Michael.

Work Ethic? What Work Ethic?

2009-06-11T13:01:00.001-05:00

Hey! I just took a quiz online. Aren't you so interested in the results?

DO YOU BELONG IN NYC?
Yes, but sometimes you wish there were a better option.
You do love New York, and you fit in here better than you have anywhere else. You're committed to the city, and you take advantage of all of its amazing food, culture, nightlife and arts. But you have nagging doubts about this relationship. Spend your whole life here? Not sure about that. Sometimes you wonder about that farm in your fantasies or even just a smaller city. But in reality, you know there's nowhere better. Click here for suggestions about how to really enjoy NYC.

Do you belong in New York City?

It Truly Is All About Me

2009-06-09T12:04:00.005-05:00

In April, I performed a story at Salon Saloon. My friend Andy is the host and through him I met Colin (not my brother, doy), one of the big brains behind Solutions Twin Cities.

I love knowing people that are doing shit.

Anyway, I was honored Andy asked me to perform and I must have made an impression (maybe because the noisy bar STFU when I told my story. I don't get it either, but it was amazing) because I have been invited as a storyteller to present at Solutions' new monthly event at Intermedia Arts, Give & Take. I think I will be presenting in August - details TBD.

I'm not sure what the theme will be, but I know on what I want to present: Autobiographical Storytelling.

I think my mother has finally come to accept that her daughter is a bit of an exhibitionist. "I don't know how you can tell a story about [pooping my pants, being sexually attracted to my cousin, getting caught stealing, etc]." In all my years of performance, I have found a love for autobiographical storytelling because not only do I love to tell stories about my life and my experiences (take that as egotistical if you will), but I love the reactions I receive after telling an especially poignant story: "That's happened to me!" I love knowing that I have told someone else's story through my own.

During my first Fringe tour in 2006, I received my first bad review: a one-star-rated chastising by a dissatisfied audience member who claimed my first solo show ever, Normal-C, was (something like) "the most self-indulgent" piece of turd he ever saw. Obviously this affected me because three years later I still remember it, but I recognize that not everyone will see the value in your art. But in response to the self-indulgence comment - I had a woman approach me at the closing night party and tell me that my show changed her life because my approach to the way I looked at myself made her reassess her own perspective. This is one of the powers of autobiographical storytelling.

I talk about me because it's what I know. And there's nothing I haven't felt or done that isn't representative of the actuality or pure potentiality of the universal human experience.

There is more expounding to be done, but I will save it for Give & Take. If I can't see you there, maybe there'll be a video or something. I'll definitely make one of my minions, I MEAN, friends Twitter the spit outta it.

BTW - I found this article when googling "Autobiographical Storytelling." This lady is talking about Biographical Storytelling. In AS, you don't need to do research further than your own memories. The character you play is YOU. Doy. Am I wrong? I mean, I'm not the one with a PhD here. As in Phucking Dumb. I'm just kidding, but for some reason I just had to make that lame joke. HAD TO.

Everyday Awesome

2009-06-05T16:21:00.002-05:00

I'm on my third try of the 365 Project through Flickr, but I have made it officially 93 days as of today. Please join me in a photo-diary of my amazing life. AMAZING. SERIOUSLY. I BUNGEE JUMP AND FIGHT CORPORATE CRIME AND BIRTH BABY ELEPHANTS EVERY DAY.

I Am The New Shakespeare.

2009-05-29T15:16:00.004-05:00

Patent Pending, People! I made up a new term and it is currently under review by the oh so "discerning" editors of Urban Dictionary: Dad Crush.

Dad Crush
When one feels affection, admiration, or adoration for a man in a fatherly way, similar to man crush. A non-sexual attraction, usually based on a degree of veneration.

"My boss always seems to genuinely care about how I'm doing and that I'm not talking to my scummy ex-boyfriend. I have such a Dad Crush on him."

Seriously. I have such a Dad Crush on my boss. I think because he reminds me of my dad and I think Dad and he would get along smashingly and because my boss has a daughter that is close to my age, so he kinda treats me like a daughter too. It's kind of a weird relationship to have to your boss, but on the same token, it rules because he gets the respect of a father from me without the residue teenager bullshit. Even though I'm 2 months from 32.

This Is How You Play Sausage

2009-05-28T15:48:00.001-05:00

And Thus The Offense Starts...

2009-05-28T13:01:00.000-05:00

... in an effort to turn my family completely off from reading (just kidding, guys. Kind of), um, did you know that I am starting a band? A Comedy Erotica Bluegrass band? Name? Why, Courtney McClean & The Dirty Curls, of course!! I'm purposely spelling my last name wrong because a) doy, the juxtaposition of opposites, and b) that's how everyone wants to spell it anyway, and c) I really want to confuse Google. I'm not sure if that last one makes sense.

Anyway, after a successful Script Frenzy month of April (oh, yeah, since I haven't been blogging, you may not know I wrote the first draft of a screenplay!), I decided that I really love the project-a-month format. Though it's been considerably more difficult this month to get up at 5am and write a bluegrass song (hello, neighbor!), my goal for May was to pen 20-25 songs (lyrics first, music second). Now, May isn't over yet, so I could potentially bang out another 13+ songs over the weekend, but I'm guessing that's unlikely. But I would like to present to you the working titles of the collection of ditties I'm building for an album I'd like to have done by the end of the year.

I Would Go Gay For You
(Don't You Dare) Pee On Me
'Onna Get My Buzz On (Ol' Blue)
That's Right (I Wanted To Fuck My Cousin)*
Does This Strap-On Make Me Look Fat?
You Bore Me With Your Dirty Talk
Dirty Curls

I feel like I'm missing one, but that's what I have so far. Here are the incomplete lyrics for "I Would Go Gay For You":

I would go gay for you
I'd swing that way for you
Gangway, coming through,
I'm gonna make my lez debut

Would ya go gay for me?
It might be fun, you'll see
No need to go to Berkeley
People would buy it; we're two hot betties

You don't know the effort
I employ to look into your eyes
When all I really want to do
Is put my head between your thighs
Typically I go for men who sweat
with hairy chests
they are the best
But I feel that I must confess
I'm totally obsessed
with your perfect breasts

I'm gay for you
Let's not delay this breakthrough
A dick ain't gonna make do
Is this some kinda homo coup?

The line-up?**
Me on Banjo and lead vocals, doy.
Max Sparber on jug & washboard, vocals, ukulele, whatever else he wants
Marne Gerdes, guest ukulele
Tom Tillotson, ragtime piano
Colin McLean (if he can handle his sister talking about sex), pedal steel
Hilary Davis, violin (the "real" musician)
Nicole Tollefson on guitar

This is all very tentative of course, but I've talked to all these peeps and everyone's excited, but for some I think it's excitement on the okay-we'll-see-if-you-follow-through tip. Dat's cool. I'm for reals.

More later!!!

*don't freak out, family
**subject to change because these things do

Aaaaand, we're back.

2009-05-27T16:02:00.001-05:00

You guys are so funny and awesome, the lot of you. I've received so many wonderful comments from my friends and fans about how much you miss my blogging (I know, I hardly believe it myself). Whether it's the snark, the laughs, or the ooey-gooey feeling you get from knowing that someone out there is more clueless than you, I appreciate knowing that you're reading.

So, enough of that crap.

I was going through my emails yesterday and near the end of my 608 messages(yes, I'm an inbox cleaner) (most of the time) found an email from the oft-cited best-friend-Brett (but not before revisiting the very last email I've saved from 2005 from old UCSD theatre colleague Ricardo entitled, "hey hottie!" wherein he invites me to join him for a latte) entitled "Two things that advanced my thinking." Enclosed was this article. And in that article is a picture that I won't repost here in the effort to keep this first entry back in the blogging world somewhat light. The picture, as you will see, is of a starving African child bent prostrate with a vulture seemingly waiting for the child's imminent death before it gets first pick at dinner with the caption "Get Over Yourself". Oh my gosh, I'm so not keeping this light.

My point is: sometimes I really beat myself up for stupid things. Like I don't give myself enough credit for the talent I have. I'm not grateful enough for the fact that I get on stage at least twice a month. At least. I have a roof above my head and food in my belly and fridge even if I currently only have about $15 to last me till next week's payday. I complain about not being able to enjoy my friends' company over martinis as much as I would like because I'm paying off debt. Etc, etc, etc. I need to fucking get over myself. Big time.

One of my goals as soon as I can do it is sponsor a woman in the Congo. It's only a $30 start-up fee and $27 a month. I have already begun drafting letters to my Congolese sister in my head, promising her that I will get on stage and write every chance I get and play my banjo every chance I get and love my friends and family and my freedom, because no matter how insidious the situation gets here in the States, I do not live in fear of the atrocities that Congolese women experience day-in and day-out. I hope to make it out to the Congo to spend time with these women before I'm 40. I would love to bring a Congolese woman back to spend a week, a month, a year, living it up American-girl style because everyone deserves the daily joy that we all take for granted.

I'm starting "Mermaid Twang" after killing "The Brash Lion Roars" because TBLR contained too many silly complaints for my own tolerance. And not to say that MT won't have its own complaints, but I would like to think I'm going to keep this blog on the less-confessional side (I'll save it for the Tori Amos tribute album) and more about performance, loving life, gratitude, and YES OF COURSE I will still totally make fun of stupid shit. I'm happier, not less funny, you turds.

Glad to be back in the blogosphere.